Dear people at work,
I know you are well-intentioned. I know that you are trying to be nice, or get to know me, or just have a conversation. But please, I beg of you, stop asking me where I see myself going with the company. That is a loaded question.
The thing is, I don’t know if I see myself going anywhere with this job. There are a ton of possibilities and I have considered many options, but I don’t know if any of them are right for me. All I know is what’s right for me right now. I am here, I am trying to do a simple job, and I didn’t come to my low-paying part-time job to be asked about my future.
I’m so tired of answering this question with “My goal is to figure out what my next goal is” but the fact of the matter is, that’s the only answer I can give you.
Because if I’m being completely honest, my real goal is to figure out how to get out of here and into my actual dream job. The dream job that I’ve thrown away and ignored. The dream job that I don’t know every detail of or have no clue how to jump into. The dream job that I have tried over and over again to convince myself isn’t a good idea and isn’t really what I want even though it is and nothing has ever, in 25 years even kind of changed that. But that isn’t what your manager wants to hear when she asks you “so what’s your end goal? What’s the dream?” They want your dream to still be here. And mine just simply is not.
I’m sick of half-truthing my way through work conversations just so that I don’t feel awkward. So no, my goal is to find the best way out at the best moment for me. And until then, my goal is to do what I’m already doing for as long as I’m happy. But it’s also my goal to not stay forever. It’s my goal to get out before I feel stuck.
I know you were just being polite. I do get that. But sometimes the most polite question doesn’t come with an easy answer. Especially when you’re asking a 25-year old theme park employee who is in full-on quarter-life crisis mode. Next time, save yourself the agony, and save me the anxiety and mental breakdown.
Talk to you soon,